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- 0001-09-15 (xsd:gMonthDay)
- When a new pizza shop opens in Craiglang, Boaby the barman and Stevie the Bookie battle it out for the affection of the new pizza girl. Jack and Victor are hell bent on getting a free pizza now that Winston works there.
Guest Starring: Jim Watt, Michelle McManus & John Buick (en)
- Isa's pulse is set racing when her long-lost friend, retired Hollywood stuntman Callum Coburn, returns to Craiglang. Elsewhere, Boabby has decided to give driving lessons a go, but it turns out driving a car is harder than he thinks. Methadone Mick starts a course over the Internet.
Guest Starring: Craig Ferguson, Bruce Morton, and Maureen Carr (en)
- Jack and Victor take up the job of the local hospital's radio DJs as stand-ins for Tam who is away on holiday and build up quite a fanbase in the process. Navid also ends up in hospital with a very personal problem.
Guest Starring: Bill Murdoch, James Fleming, and Sandy Neilson (en)
- Jack and Victor celebrate their momentous sixtieth anniversary as best friends and decide to have a day out when they encounter a face from the past.
Guest Starring: Finlay Welsh (en)
- Navid's business is suffering at the hands of the new corporate giant Hyperdales and his regular customers' loyalty is being put to the test. Meanwhile, an electric shock causes Tam to go through some bizarre changes in behaviour. Eventually, Navid cracks and tries to burn down Hyperdales causing him, Jack, Victor, Winston and Tam to be locked in for the night.
Guest Starring: Trish Mullen (en)
- Love is in the air as the gang rally together to create an unforgettable wedding day for one of the pals.
Guest Starring: Joanna Thrope, Clare Grogan, Midge Ure, Amy Macdonald and The Bluebells (en)
- Craiglang is in the grip of a heatwave. Jack and Victor have found the perfect place to relax in the park on the ultimate bench. Unfortunately, Tam and Winston have the same idea. Isa receives bad news about her estranged husband Harry.
Guest Starring: Grant Thomson & Doreen McGillivray (en)
- Jack and Victor win tickets to see River City being filmed and Isa turns a new Career in becoming an Extra.
Guest Starring: Sally Howitt, Billy McEnhaley, Jordan Young, Carmen Pieraccini & Michael Hines (en)
- Jack and Victor get a taste of how the other half live when they pose as two wealthy socialites to impress a couple of widows. But the gang from Craiglang are not happy at missing out.
Guest Starring: Una McLean, Jeannie Fisher & Ron Donachie (en)
- Craiglang is suspicious when Pete, the local alcoholic tramp, tells everyone he has secured a very important job at the council's new "facility", Jack and Victor decide to follow him to find the truth of the rumours. Meanwhile Navid, Winston and Shug are on a hunt for a bin-raiding fox.
Guest Starring: Donald Cameron and Nik Weir (en)
- Victor buys a second-hand car hoping it will give him the freedom he always wanted, but it ends up that he is the one being taken for a ride. Meanwhile, Winston tries his hardest to encourage Tam not to be tight-fisted.
Notes: This episode implies that for unknown reasons, Jack is unable to drive. In all scenes, Victor is shown driving, and in fact Victor is the only one of the two who has any interest in the car. Jack does, however, drive in "All the Best," from the fifth series of the show. Jack was also seen driving in some of the sketches in Chewin the Fat.
Guest Starring: Stevie Allen, Tom Urie, and Richard Wallis (en)
- Winston receives wounding news about his remaining leg. Meanwhile, Isa struggles with her new cleaning job at the undertaker's and Tam pushes his skinflintishness to new depths, which results in him getting barred from the Clansman and falling out with Winston. The episode ends with Tam dying, and Isa ruining the ramp that the boys have tried building...
Guest Starring: Bruce Morton (en)
- Winston saves the day by thwarting a mugger attacking Isa and becomes an internet sensation. Meanwhile, Jack and Victor have one mix-up too many so decide it's time to get mobile phones, but will they be able to get past the mumbo jumbo?
Guest Starring: Martin Compston, Gianni Capaldi and Des Clarke (en)
- Jack is invited to visit his daughter, Fiona who lives in Canada. Asked to come along, Victor initially refuses, but in the end accompanies Jack on the holiday. Meanwhile, Winston ends up having to pretend to be Isa's "Pumpkin" to see off her estranged husband Harry.
Guest Starring: Ronnie Letham (en)
- Jack and Victor arrive in Canada to visit Fiona. Just like in Craiglang, the two get up to more mischief. Back home, Winston tries to ignore Isa's gossip while still enjoying her home cooking as he continues seeing her even though Harry has left.
Guest Starring: Stevie Allen, Finlay McLean, Steve Hemphill, and Munro Chambers (en)
- Jack and Victor find themselves on a terrifying bus journey when the driver, Davie, suffers a funny turn. Meanwhile, Tam decides to tag along while Navid goes to get stock, and Boaby decides to take time off work to go cycling; leaving The Clansman under control of a temporary barman. Winston takes advantage of Boaby's absence by pretending to be the real owner of The Clansman.
Guest Starring: Robbie Coltrane and Sharon McKenzie (en)
- The residents of Craiglang are being terrorised by the local neds, but the pensioners have had enough and decide to make their own haven they can escape to. Meanwhile, Jack and Victor check on old Ronnie, who has been recently committed to a sanatorium after being found dancing in George Square in his underwear.
Guest Starring: John Shedden, Gary Sweeney, and James Young''' (en)
- It's time for Jack and Victor to take on climbing Ben Lomond, as they reflect the marching of time, whilst Isa is trying to curb her addiction to helping animal charities, which has left her financially crippled. Winston, Tam, Isa and Boaby all decide to join in for the expedition up Ben Lomond, however they get too drunk when camping at the foot of the hill the night before, where the group reminisce over their past lives. Jack and Victor decide to make the ascent alone the following morning, at which point the episode changes to a final montage of each of the main characters fading out of frame - hinting at the inevitable time in the future when they won't be around anymore but everyday life in Craiglang will go on. The final scene shows the inside of The Clansman with a new set of regulars but with a much older Boaby behind the bar.
Guest Starring: Gary Lewis (en)
- Jack and Victor are concerned for their old friend Bert Findlay, who has been deeply depressed and grown unkempt ever since the death of his wife, Annie. Winston is having his own troubles with a less than sympathetic home help assistant, Mrs Begg.
Guest Starring: Brian Pettifer and Celia Imrie (en)
- It's a must-win match which sees Jack, Victor and the rest of the Craiglang gang in sporting spirit as they take part in a walking football tournament, where the prize is a new community centre astroturf, after Boabby suffers a heart attack and has to have eighteen stents put in. Methadone Mick gets a job as the football mascot but can't help show that the Craiglang team are who he likes best, even going so far as to injure the opposition.
Guest Starring: Bruce Morton, Neil Leiper, Ralph Riach and Julie Wilson Nimmo (en)
- Jack and Victor are back in Craiglang and on the hunt for more adventures - in this case, enrolling in a night school class for a first-aid course at the University of Glasgow. When they realise how cheap the alcohol at the university bar, they decide to skip classes and engage in boisterous antics with students young enough to be their grandchildren; unaware of the implications of their actions. They form a team with Winston and enter a quiz Boabby is hosting at the Clansman in order to boost the pub's popularity, but when a pregnant woman suddenly goes into labour, Jack & Victor end up being put forward to help.
Guest Starring: Kate Dickie, Ryan Hassan, and Bridget McCann (en)
- A trip to the cinema creates a mystery for Jack and Victor, Boabby and Winston look for love through internet dating, and the Craiglang gang try to make sense of bizarre goings-on. The question: is Tam really dead?
Guest Starring: Bruce Morton, Joanna Thrope, Hazel Anne Crawford and Sheena Penson (en)
- Jack, Victor and Winston fear they may have fathered a child in their twenties, but they are unsure who it may be. The child in question is also part of the plan to demolish The Clansman.
Guest Starring: Martin Docherty and Vincent Freill (en)
- Jack and Victor need a favour from an old friend, Big Innes, who has moved away from Craiglang to Elgin. The neds are out of control and Big Innes is just the man to sort them out! However, it is emphasised to everybody that Innes must not be given Midori liqueur under any circumstances. Winston gets a job at a supermarket called "Food-Fare" and deals with workplace bullying in his own unique way.
Guest Starring: Clive Russell, Jordan Young, and Sheila Latimer (en)
- Isa is frantic with worry after a psychic in The Clansman tells her she is going to be run over by a silver car. Will she meet her date with destiny? Winston is told by doctors his leg will need to be amputated, a consequence of years of smoking eighty cigarettes a day. He takes solace in the news that he will qualify for extra money in invalidity benefits. Upon seeing Winston's leg, Jack throws his pipe in the bin pledging never to smoke again, while Victor fakes illness in a bid to get more attention from his absent son John.
Guest Starring: Mary Riggans and Sandy Welsh (en)
- Boaby the Barman has a chance to be on television. Unbeknownst to him at first, the programme is Blighty's Hardest Boozers. Meanwhile, Navid goes through some changes when he dyes his hair.
Guest Starring: John Jack (en)
- When Jack is faced with the dilemma of attending his daughter's vow renewal in Canada, he decides to embrace new technology - Boaby the barman's tablet - in an attempt to be there from the comfort of The Clansman. However, Victor's promise to be a supportive wing man backfires while Isa tries her best to hold her tongue.
Meanwhile Winston needs a new leg thanks to an incident at the canal, Isa's mushroom soup needs a new recipe, Navid has money in mind at the live shows, while Tam and Boaby face a battle of wills against each other.
This was an edited version of the live show. (en)
- Winston appeals to his friends for help as asbestos forces him out of his flat. Isa's birthday is on the horizon and she's on a mission to find out who's throwing her a surprise party. Boabby turfs the regulars out of the Clansman, so they hide in the flat upstairs, stealing booze through a hole cut in the floor, and fishing the alcohol with wires and tack.
Guest Starring: Steven Duffy and Sheena Penson (en)
- Jack's life is increasingly miserable due to anti-social neighbours. He is keen to move but can't find a house until the man across the landing from his best friend Victor dies. Meanwhile, Jack and Victor's friend Winston is teaching his grandson how to fight for an upcoming boxing match.
Guest Starring: Gordon McCorkell, Finlay McLean, Alex Robertson, and Richard Mark
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Note: First appearances of Ford Kiernan as Jack, Greg Hemphill as Victor, Paul Riley as Winston, Gavin Mitchell as Boabby, Jane McCarry as Isa, Mark Cox as Tam, Sanjeev Kohli as Navid, James Martin as Eric, Shamshad Ahktar as Meena (en)
- A sad farewell to Winston as he leaves Craiglang for a new life in the seaside resort of Finport. Meanwhile Jack and Victor are chauffeurs for the day.
Guest Starring: Juliet Cadzow and Iain Davidson (en)
- Craiglang's residents can't resist the temptation of the Futuroo catalogue and its innovations to "make life that wee bit easier". However, it quickly becomes apparent these gadgets do anything but make life easier. Winston receives a registered letter which sees him prepare for the arrival of his brother, Walter. As Jack and Victor spar over whose gadget is best, there's a spot of sibling rivalry between Winston and Walter.
Guest Starring: David Ireland and Gary Miller (en)
- Jack and Victor fear for their usual Christmas dinner arrangement after they upset Isa and Winston gets to grips with his turkey. Meanwhile, Frances gives Tam a ton of Christmas cards for him to deliver.
Guest Starring: Mark Young and Michael MacKenzie (en)
- Jack and Victor learn about free whisky tasting sessions and win a visit to a distillery. Winston is in no mood to welcome the new bookie Frankie to Craiglang, being certain that it's his old nemesis, Stevie.
Guest Starring: John McCririck (en)
- Tam decides to marry Frances, his sweetheart from the second series. As always in Craiglang, things never go to plan. Meanwhile Navid's shop is part of a big business take-over.
Guest Starring: Michael McKenzie (en)
- Frances's sister, Molly, comes to visit and makes a huge impression on Tam who is in awe of his sister-in-law's tight-fistedness. Meanwhile, Jack and Victor arrange to visit Winston in Finport but when they arrive, they find that all is not well.
Guest Starring: Dorothy Paul (en)
- Tribute to the comedy following on from the final episode, with contributions from stars and celebrity fans. Presented by Grant Stott and Des Clarke. (en)
- Jack and Victor put on their decorator's overalls to redesign Isa's flat. In their usual style, the two have trouble adjusting to the job at hand. Meanwhile, Tam discovers a video featuring Bobby and some scantily clad women.
Guest Starring: Dougie Wallace (en)
- Death comes calling to Craiglang when a new undertaker arrives and - for at least one resident - it's time to meet their maker. As new undertaker I.D Sheathing arrives in Craiglang, it's not long before Isa begins to tell everybody all about him, involving a story about attending the funeral of a young girl, and Sheathing patting a man on the shoulder, and the man dying a week later; Methadone Mick backs her up, with similar stories of his fellow homeless dying due to this funeral director. But is Sheathing really who they believe him to be? Eric falsely claims to have pumped Gina Lollobrigida in Rome in 1958. He dies at the puggy after being touched by Sheathing, although it is later established that Eric died of heart failure, having been ill for some time.
Guest Starring: Bruce Morton and Fiona Knowles
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Note: Last appearance of James Martin as Eric' (en)
- Jack, Victor, Winston and Tam decide to spend their Hogmanay in a cottage on the remote island of Tighnahulish. Their celebrations are short-lived though when Jack and Victor manage to antagonise the island's few residents. Meanwhile, in Craiglang, Navid's wife Meena has gone on holiday to India, leaving Navid to enjoy a brief taste of single life.
Guest Starring: John Buick, Lewis Howden & Michelle Gallagher (en)
- Similar to the previous stage play Jack, Victor and Winston are stuck in the Osprey Heights lift on their way to a Hogmanay party, they reminisce about Hogmanay 1975 .
Guest Starring: Ronnie Letham and Grant Thomson (en)
- Jack and Victor enlist the help of their friends and set about winning back disabled Joe's electric scooter from Tam who won it in a poker game. Shug is arrested on suspicion of being a peeping-tom and Lady Luck shines on Winston as his long-shot accumulator bet at the bookie's returns a big win - or does it?
Guest Starring: John Buick (en)
- Victor is awaiting a visit from his son John who now lives in Johannesburg. But when John leaves a message on Victor's answering machine, a crucial part of the message is inaudible due to background noise. Jack and Victor set out to discover what it says with help from their friend Shug who has an acute sense of hearing. Meanwhile, Winston gets injured in a fight with Peggy at the butchers over who gets the gigot chops.
This episode originally ran fourth.
Guest Starring: Billy Boyd, Jackie Farrell, Carolyn Conrad, and Billy Riddoch (en)
- Long-time recluse, Archie, who hasn't left his home since 1966, has no option but to leave his home; which is earmarked for demolition. Oblivious to world events and bewildered by all the changes over the decades, he re-enters society under the care of Jack and Victor. Winston inquires about a new, large screen, wall-mounted television in the High Street, but put off by the expensive price- makes plans to build his own, which disastrously goes on fire whilst the group are watching The Towering Inferno. Archie decides to go back to being a recluse, however Jack and Victor buy him the expensive television set using the social security money he had been hoarding for years.
Guest Starring: Sylvester McCoy (en)
- The residents of Craiglang are experiencing one of the coldest winters in years when Winston offers a solution - free electricity by tampering with the meter. Gradually, a number of locals accept Winston's help but Victor takes the moral high ground and refuses to participate in the illicit scheme.
In the original, incorrect BBC broadcast, this episode ran second.
Guest Starring: Stevie Allen, Finlay McLean, and James O'Hara (en)
- Jack and Victor sail in celebration of Victor's seventy-fifth birthday. The two decide, along with Winston, to take a sail down the local river. Unfortunately, a run-in with the local neds means things won't go smoothly.
Guest Starring: James MacKenzie (en)
- Jack asks Barbara, the woman from the charity shop, to go out with him leaving Victor feeling lonely and resentful of his friend's new romance. Meanwhile, Winston gets barred from The Clansman and goes in search of other ways to spend his leisure time.
This episode was broadcast third in the original run of the show.
Guest Starring: Eileen McCallum, Maureen Carr, and Noddy Davidson (en)
- The residents become suspicious of Tam's motives, when he befriends an elderly woman who has a lot of money. Meanwhile, at the Butchers, Jack & Victor, and half of Craiglang are trying to get their hands on the last steak pie in the shop.
Guest Starring: Alison Peebles, Colin McCredie, Benny Young, Bruce Morton, and Dolina MacLennan. (en)
- Jack and Victor's friend, Wullie, is dating a younger woman. Rumours abound in Craiglang that his mistress is trying to bump him off. Meanwhile Winston struggles with his new leg and a young hooligan is conning pensioners out of money.
Guest Starring: Jackie Farrell and Julie Miller
Note: This is the first episode to receive a standard English title, as the show had begun to be broadcast in the rest of the UK by this point. (en)
- Jack and Victor join the choir. Winston offers to cover for the lollipop man while he's away after learning that the job can be very rewarding during Christmas. Boaby gets a new puggy for The Clansman that boasts a jackpot of £1,000. Tam enlists the help of Shug and Eric to intercept the slot machine's pay-out ratio but soon, they are joined by Jack and Victor who want their slice of the action.
Guest Starring: Iain McColl, Paul Donnelly & Dave Anderson
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Note: Last appearance of Jake D'Arcy as Pete the Jakey (en)
- Jack has got Sky Digital TV, Victor hasn't, they solve this problem by arranging for Shug to put a "hatch" put in between their rooms so that they can both watch. But things go wrong when Isa suspects they are gay. Meanwhile, Winston has to look after his obnoxious seventeen-year old grandson Thomas while his parents go away on holiday.
Guest Starring: Kevin Guthrie (en)
- A salute to Scotland's favourite TV OAPs in a special programme that puts the spotlight on the celebrated Criaiglang gang. We focus on the jaunty journey Jack and Victor have taken the nation on since they first appeared on the small screen.
Contributors include: actor Martin Compston, TV presenter Lorraine Kelly and film star Robbie Coltrane, with insights from Scott Cassidy, Holly Tindall, Kirsty Ferguson and Rebecca Cochrane. (en)
- Jack and Victor are amazed at the dynamic vitality of their friend Stuart, who has a newfound zest for life after being prescribed a new "yankee" wonder drug to cure depression and they plan a strategy to obtain a supply for themselves, despite not needing the medicine. Meanwhile, both Tam and Winston have the hots for the new librarian, Frances.
Notes: This episode establishes that Tam has a seven-year-old grandson, named Ryan, but is unmarried. In a later episode, it is stated that Tam had a wife who left him because he cheated on her.
Guest Starring: Alec Heggie (en)
- A money lender appears in Craiglang and soon finds customers. Isa thinks Jack and Victor have borrowed money when she notices they have more than usual, when in fact they are merely spending some extra money they had saved up. Tam and Winston are enjoying a round of golf at their local golf course until they are interrupted by the neds. Their attempts to resolve the situation only end in disaster.
Guest Starring: James Young and Jim Murray (en)
- Jack and Victor are left in charge of Navid's shop as Navid has to return to India to attend his brother's funeral. Winston sees an opportunity to make some extra cash and decides to set up a take-away food side business run from the back of the shop; whilst at the same time, getting on the wrong side of Vince Gallagher, a snack van vendor with whom Winston has history.
Guest Starring: David Hayman (en)
- Twilight Monthly magazine needs a new cover star and Victor is convinced he's the man for the job, sparking interest among the rest of Craiglang. Meanwhile, Winston battles with a neighbour to win a stray cat's affections.
Guest Starring: Maureen Carr (en)
- After an accident at the local sub station involving a runaway lorry, Craiglang is plunged into darkness. After a crime wave occurs, the vulnerable pensioners start taking radical measures to protect themselves from the night crawlers.
Guest Starring: John Buick & Johnny Mac (en)
- Tam and Frances enjoy fame and fortune with their new addition, but it means babysitting stints for Jack and Victor which is proving a bit of a strain. As both wind up in hospital and Jack is diagnosed with a life-threatening condition, could this be the end for the duo?
Guest Starring: Lorraine Kelly and Michael Hines (en)
- Jack and Victor pack their bags for a night away that they'll never forget - even if they want to, as they discover Navid and Meena own a caravan. They go away for the night, with Winston in tow, but almost from the beginning, everything appears to go wrong, including Victor eating an entire jam roly-poly, Winston leaving something unholy in the caravan's toilet, and Jack forgetting the alcohol, forcing Winston to go into town to get alcohol and pizza for them - but he promptly spends all the money in the pub on himself! In amongst laughing about old times, including romantic encounters, can they keep the caravan tidy for Navid and Meena?
Guest Starring: Estrid Barton (en)
- Navid's daughter is getting married, and both Jack and Victor still haven't received an invitation, so they decide to do something about it. Meanwhile, it is thought that Wullie MacIntosh has died and Winston plans to rummage through his house to find something that will assure him an invitation.
This episode ran last in the original broadcast.
Guest Starring: Johnny Irvine and Donald Cameron (en)
- Jack and Victor are irritated by Tam's success at entering and winning competitions and embark on a futile attempt of their own, involving composing a slogan for a scone advert. Meanwhile, Winston is having financial problems after his benefits are stopped. Isa's estranged husband, Harry, also returns after a six-year absence.
Notes: This episode ran fifth in the original broadcast.
Guest Starring: Bill Murdoch, James Weir, and Ronnie Letham (en)
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