This is a list of episodes for The Colbert Report in 2009.

Property Value
dbo:abstract
  • This is a list of episodes for The Colbert Report in 2009. (en)
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  • tt0458254
dbo:network
dbo:numberOfEpisodes
  • 161 (xsd:integer)
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  • 23255461 (xsd:integer)
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  • 744318878 (xsd:integer)
dbp:aux
  • dbr:Green_Day
  • dbr:Lawrence_Lessig
  • dbr:Steven_Pinker
  • dbr:Phil_Bronstein
  • dbr:Andrew_Schlafly
  • dbr:Arianna_Huffington
  • dbr:Helen_Fisher_(anthropologist)
  • dbr:Janet_Napolitano
  • dbr:Paul_Goldberger
  • dbr:Alison_Gopnik
  • dbr:David_Grann
  • dbr:Douglas_Rushkoff
  • dbr:Movits!
  • dbr:Edmund_Andrews_(reporter)
  • dbr:Eric_Schlosser
  • dbr:Kevin_Baker_(author)
  • dbr:David_Javerbaum
  • dbr:Henry_Louis_Gates,_Jr.
  • dbr:John_McCardell
  • dbr:John_Fetterman_(politician)
  • dbr:Brian_Cox_(physicist)
  • dbr:Joe_Arpaio
  • dbr:Jon_Meacham
  • dbr:Laurie_Garrett
  • dbr:Marc_Kielburger
  • dbr:Walter_Kirn
  • dbr:Bob_Graham
  • dbr:Woody_Harrelson
  • dbr:Malcolm_Gladwell
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  • dbr:Michael_Moore
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  • dbr:Shai_Agassi
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  • dbr:Katherine_Reutter
  • dbr:Jonathan_Cohn
  • dbr:Jabari_Asim
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  • dbr:Al_Gore
  • dbr:Bart_D._Ehrman
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  • dbr:Elizabeth_Alexander_(poet)
  • dbr:Bill_McKibben
  • dbr:John_Podesta
  • dbr:Jay_Keasling
  • dbr:Meghan_McCain
  • dbr:Stephen_Moore_(economist)
  • dbr:Marion_Nestle
  • dbr:Richard_Engel
  • dbr:Joshua_Micah_Marshall
  • dbr:Derrick_Pitts
  • dbr:Andrew_Sullivan
  • dbr:Barbara_Boxer
  • dbr:Bernie_Sanders
  • dbr:Cheap_Trick
  • dbr:Christiane_Amanpour
  • dbr:Harold_Evans
  • dbr:Ira_Glass
  • dbr:Kris_Kristofferson
  • dbr:Niall_Ferguson
  • dbr:Norah_Jones
  • dbr:Paul_Krugman
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  • dbr:Christine_Ebersole
  • dbr:Denis_Dutton
  • dbr:Ed_Viesturs
  • dbr:Emily_Yoffe
  • dbr:Michael_Pollan
  • dbr:Rosanne_Cash
  • dbr:Shashi_Tharoor
  • dbr:TV_on_the_Radio
  • dbr:Ken_Burns
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  • dbr:Carl_Wilson_(critic)
  • dbr:Daniel_C._Esty
  • dbr:Sunita_Williams
  • dbr:Daniel_Gross
  • dbr:Kris_Kobach
  • dbr:Austan_Goolsbee
  • dbr:Jonathan_Alter
  • dbr:Jerry_Mitchell_(investigative_reporter)
  • dbr:Rich_Lowry
  • dbr:Gail_Collins
  • dbr:Tom_Brokaw
  • dbr:Juan_Cole
  • dbr:Jim_Fouratt
  • dbr:A_J_Jacobs
  • dbr:Steven_Berlin_Johnson
  • dbr:Zev_Chafets
  • dbr:Lisa_Hannigan
  • dbr:Kathryn_Bigelow
  • dbr:Queen_Noor_of_Jordan
  • dbr:Sheryl_WuDunn
  • dbr:Katty_Kay
  • dbr:Matt_Taibbi
  • dbr:Jonathan_Chait
  • dbr:Frank_Rich
  • dbr:Jack_H._Jacobs
  • dbr:Paul_Rieckhoff
  • dbr:Neil_DeGrasse_Tyson
  • dbr:Mark_Bittman
  • dbr:Chris_Anderson_(writer)
  • dbr:Jim_Lehrer
  • dbr:Jonah_Lehrer
  • dbr:Bill_T._Jones
  • dbr:Chris_Mooney_(journalist)
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  • dbr:Ethan_Nadelmann
  • dbr:Jeffrey_Toobin
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  • dbr:Lara_Logan
  • dbr:Matthew_Miller_(journalist)
  • dbr:Mike_Krzyzewski
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  • dbr:Sylvia_Earle
  • dbr:David_Kilcullen
  • dbr:David_Plotz
  • dbr:Thomas_P._Campbell
  • dbr:Julia_Sweig
  • dbr:Dag_Soderberg
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  • dbr:William_Gerstenmaier
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  • dbr:Edwin_Barry_Young_(pastor)
  • dbr:Anthony_Romero
  • dbr:Cevin_D._Soling
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  • dbr:John_E._Pike
  • dbr:Kanishk_Tharoor
  • dbr:Ken_Quinn
  • dbr:Tamara_Draut
  • None
  • --04-06
  • 6.31152E8
  • Mark Johnson
  • Mark Devlin
  • "Ninety percent of US currency has traces of cocaine on it. That should boost our exchange rate. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "I don't know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, but it takes 12,809 licks to get to the center of an iPhone. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Hey, Lady Liberty! Isn't it time you settled down and found yourself a man?" "This is The Colbert Report."
  • "If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, send it back, it's a little undercooked. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "If a tree falls in the forest and there's no-one there to hear it, my illegal logging business succeeds. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "I can prove the free market works: the Yankees won the World Series. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Hey, hold your horses. Even horses need to be held sometimes. This is the Colbert Report."
  • "Ever get the feeling 1.3 million people are watching you? This is The Colbert Report."
  • "I thought March was supposed to go out like a lamb. Where's my mint jelly? This is The Colbert Report."
  • "This is Operation Iraqi Stephen: Going Commando. Broadcasting from Camp Victory, Baghdad, Iraq."
  • "Is this a wand in my pocket, or am I just happy to see the new Harry Potter movie? This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Christmas is coming, the goose's cholesterol count is through the roof. I am really worried about him. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Wow! Those Iranians are really pissed at Letterman. This is the Colbert Report."
  • "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Then beat 'em. They'll never see it coming. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "It's all fun and games till someone loses an eye. Then the game becomes 'Find The Eye'. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "By the way, when's Daylight start?"
  • "Hey, did you read today's London Financial Times? Then why are you watching this show? This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Hey Navy Seals, why don't you take a crack at Captain Morgan? That guy made me feel like I was captive in a boat for 5 days. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Scotch Tape, either change your name or get me drunk. I nearly choked last night. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Put your money where your mouth is, it's a lot safer than a bank. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Hey, I must be an athlete! I have the same number of wins as the New Jersey Nets. This, this is The Colbert Report."
  • "Television is the most important communication tool in history... now can I have an Emmy? This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Birds of a feather stick together, especially after they've flown into your glue trap. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "If the eyes are the window to the soul, then why does it hurt when I spray them with Windex? This is The Colbert Report."
  • "World Series tonight.. assuming the world only includes New York to Pennsylvania. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Hey you! Watching this on mute! Turn up the volume! This is The Colbert Report!"
  • "Hey, former GM CEO Rick Wagner, if you're looking for a job: I need someone to stand in my parking space. This is The Colbert Report."
  • Aaron Carroll
  • Alan Khazei
  • Alexi Lalas, Kevin Mattson
  • Amy Farrell, RZA
  • Andrew Gellman, Arne Duncan
  • "The hills are alive with the sound of WOLVES! RUN, MARIA! RUN! This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Hey, codebreakers, here's a hint: try harder! This is The Colbert Report."
  • "When in Rome, I find a McDonalds where they speak English. This is The Colbert Report."
  • David Ross, Ed Colbert, Adam Gopnik
  • David Wondrich, Kurt Andersen
  • "Here's a brain teaser for ya: your brain is ugly. This is The Colbert Report."
  • Elizabeth Bintliff, Daisy
  • General Ray Odierno, Barack Obama
  • "I'm all that and a bag of celery. I'm trying to slim down for bikini season. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Hey, Iceland! You can't make a Molotov cocktail with yogurt. This is The Colbert Report."
  • Joe Biden, Sarah Palin, General Charles Jacoby
  • "Sorry, uh.. the show's running long, I'm not gonna say anything here. Colbert Report."
  • Karim Sadjadpour, Maria Shriver
  • Leymah Gbowee
  • "Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt. This is The Colbert Report."
  • Matthew Crawford
  • "Let's play Rock-paper-scissors. Mail in your answers, and we'll see who won. This is The Colbert Report."
  • Bill Clinton, George H.W. Bush, Sergeant Robin Balcom, Specialist Tareq Salha
  • "The Sears Tower is now called the Willis Tower. Man - Bruce Willis is loaded. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "All proceeds from tonight's show go to a worthy cause: my advertisers. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "When life deals you lemons, make scrambled eggs. I make the worst scrambled eggs. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Quitters never win. Unless they're competing in a quitting contest. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "An independent panel said the TARP program worked. Hmm, I wonder what program funded that panel? This is The Colbert Report."
  • "A warning: in the next few weeks, you may hear Paul McCartney's Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime. Stay calm, it will pass. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "The Obamas are going to Kopenhagen... Party at Biden's house! This is The Colbert Report."
  • "I retain all my vitamins because I am always steamed. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "It's Saint Patrick's Day, so you can kiss my blarney stones. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "You can make an omelette without breaking eggs - it's just a really bad omelette. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Vermont just legalized gay marriage. Ben, you can finally propose to Jerry. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "I hate to pet myself on the back, so I have my assistant do it. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Next week it's reruns. I'll still be here doing the shows, but the cameras are on vacation. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Bernie Madoff, here's some advice: on the first day of jail, find the biggest guy in the yard, and defraud him. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Tonight's the all-star game. But don't let the exciting name fool you - it's still baseball. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Time heals all wounds. So if you're uninsured, get a watch. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Hey yogurt, if you're so cultured, how come I never see you at the opera? This is the Colbert Report."
  • "It's official: highway patrolmen are not susceptible to the Jedi mind trick. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Hey, Amazon! Congratulations on that new Kindle. Now we play the waiting game. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Happy 40th birthday, Sesame Street! That bird's not getting any bigger; I say we eat him now. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "I, Stephen Colbert, promise...faithfully to...I mean, faithfully prom...f--k it, Colbert Report."
  • "If anyone at Comic-Con found a pair of dark brown Princess Leia pin-on buns with the initials S.C., they're not mine - but you can send them here. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "TGIF: Thank God It's Fursday. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Mayor Bloomberg, congratulations on another term, sir! Unless you lost, in which case I never liked you. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "A house divided against itself cannot stand, but it's worth squat in this market anyway. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "A broken clock is right twice a day. So go out and get yourself 720 clocks. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "I say potahto — end of story. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Hey, I don't pay my taxes; why can't I be Treasury Secretary? This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining---pee on my leg and tell me you love me. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Hey, Dr. Manhattan, where's your glowing blue medical degree? This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Let's make this easier. Raise your hand if you didn't have an affair with Tiger Woods. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Frank, what are you doing? This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Twitter went down today. If only there was some short, shallow, self-indulgent way to express my horror. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Hey mom, let me say in advance: Happy belated mother's day. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Dick Cheney's coming out with his memoirs - and good news, just reading it violates the Geneva Convention. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "I'm sittn' in the cat bird seat. Sorry, cat bird, you should have called 'savesies'. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "You snooze, you lose... unless it's a sleeping contest. This is the Colbert Report."
  • "To make a long story short, give Joe Biden a sedative. This is the Colbert Report."
  • "Today's Colbert Club kids' activity - color in more of my hair! This is The Colbert Report."
  • "I'll never use steroids to get stronger; I just use them for the 'roid rage.' This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Summer is in full swing. Hey, summer, consider a jockstrap. This is the Colbert Report."
  • "Hey, blessings in disguise, what are you hiding? This is The Colbert Report."
  • "A mother's work is never done. Which reminds me - mom, cue the theme music. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "No, thanks, loose leaf paper, I prefer abstinence leaf paper, you whore! This is The Colbert Report."
  • "America, here is my stimulus package: Hello, ladies. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "It's the year of the Ox. Good. I was getting sick of eating Rat. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame you on again. I am shameless. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Let's agree to disagree with anybody who disagrees with me. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "No Man Is an Island, but I have one hell of a peninsula. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Hey, Perseid meteor shower - thank you for proving that the sky is falling. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "I cannot tell a lie. I prefer to tell them in packs o' three. This is the Colbert Report."
  • "You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. It also makes them taste better. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Congratulations, Kate Plus 8, sorry, Jon plus none. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "It's my way or the tollway. No free rides. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "After the show I'm on vacation, so nobody do anything newsworthy for three weeks! This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Congratulations, Brett Favre, on setting the NFL record for incomplete retirements. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Obama was on five shows this sunday morning: sounds like somebody hates church. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "I don't sugarcoat the news; I drench it in high-fructose corn syrup. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "It's Ash Wednesday. For Lent, I'm giving up listening. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "This show's got everything from soup to nuts. By the way, stay away from the soup, my nuts were in there. This is the Colbert Report."
  • "Hey, has anybody seen my bathwater? I may have accidentally thrown something out with it. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "The health care bill is out of committee. Hip Hip replacement! This is The Colbert Report."
  • "I don't like to brag; I love it. This is The Colbert Report."
  • George W. Bush, Senator Jim Webb, Sergeant Major Frank Grippe
  • "The socialists take power in Greece... I didn't even know Obama was on the ballot. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "The inventor of the Hokey Pokey has died. That is going to be one long burial. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "The Colbert Report will begin after this important message: This is The Colbert Report."
  • "For NHL play-off highlights and scores: move to Canada. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "I float like a butterfly, sting like a bee, and if that fails I curl up like an armadillo. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "The Colbert Report is filmed before whatever follows it. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "For the 4th year in a row Sexiest man alive did not go to Matthew McConaughey: there is no god! This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Do not adjust your set -- unless you want to make my face even redder. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Bernie, look on the bright side. When you get out, no one will suspect a 221-year-old man. This is the Colbert Report."
  • "Spoiler alert! Ugly duckling, you're actually a swan. An ugly swan. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "No sense beating a dead horse, unless it's one of those zombie horses. You can't beat them enough. This is the Colbert Report."
  • "My show is suitable for ages 9 to 99. After that you're Willard Scott's problem. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "ER is off the air after 15 seasons. That's what you get with Obama's socialized medicine. This is The Colbert Report."
  • "Just 12 more hours until all those Bush countdown clocks explode. YOU FOOLS! This is The Colbert Report."
dbp:bgcolour
  • #8B0000
dbp:country
  • United States
dbp:episodeList
  • List of The Colbert Report episodes
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  • 8 (xsd:integer)
dbp:nextSeason
  • 2010 (xsd:integer)
dbp:originalairdate
  • --01-06
  • --01-07
  • --01-08
  • --01-12
  • --01-14
  • --01-15
  • --01-19
  • --01-20
  • --01-22
  • --01-26
  • --01-27
  • --01-28
  • --01-29
  • --02-03
  • --02-04
  • --02-09
  • --02-10
  • --02-11
  • --02-12
  • --02-24
  • --02-25
  • --02-26
  • --03-03
  • --03-04
  • --03-05
  • --03-09
  • --03-11
  • --03-16
  • --03-17
  • --03-18
  • --03-19
  • --03-30
  • --03-31
  • --04-02
  • --04-07
  • --04-09
  • --04-14
  • --04-15
  • --04-16
  • --04-20
  • --04-21
  • --04-23
  • --04-27
  • --04-28
  • --04-29
  • --04-30
  • --05-05
  • --05-06
  • --05-07
  • --05-11
  • --05-12
  • --05-13
  • --05-14
  • --05-18
  • --05-19
  • --05-20
  • --05-21
  • --06-02
  • --06-04
  • --06-08
  • --06-09
  • --06-10
  • --06-11
  • --06-15
  • --06-16
  • --06-17
  • --06-18
  • --06-22
  • --06-23
  • --06-24
  • --06-25
  • --06-29
  • --06-30
  • --07-02
  • --07-14
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dbp:shortsummary
  • --07-04
  • 1970.0
  • Colbert discusses the relationship between the media and President Bush and interviews David Gregory about it. In "Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger," he wags his finger at the New York Mets, tips his hat to PETA and wags his finger at Clearwater, Florida police. Finally, Colbert interviews Shepard Fairey about designing the Barack Obama "HOPE" poster.
  • Colbert first discusses President Obama's inconsistency on earmarks in Congressional legislation. Then he talks about how Obama is planning to tax the wealthy to pay for government programs, and how Republicans are continuing to cite Atlas Shrugged, the infamous book by Ayn Rand. In the segment Cheating Death, Stephen talks about the Supreme Court ruling against a drug company, sweat, and designer babies. Finally, he interviews Howard Fineman about his book "The Thirteen American Arguments."
  • Obama's health care plan and The Matrix. The "ThreatDown:" - 4. The US Senate!, 3. Henry Louis Gates!, 2. Bill Gates!, 1. Unemployed Wilford Brimley!
  • Sarah Palin and Newt Gingrich discuss details of health care reform which don't appear in the bill. Cold War Update - President Obama turns off the electronic ticker at the diplomatic headquarters in Havana, Cuba runs low on toilet paper, and Vladimir Putin appears shirtless. Better Know a District profiles Maine's 1st district with Chellie Pingree.
  • Report that Americans would be willing to sacrifice their iPod to save the environment. Who's Not Honoring Me Now? - Sidney Poitier receives the Presidential Medal of Freedom, Sarah Palin receives the NRA's Gold Medal Award of Merit for the Promotion of Gun Collecting, and the Jonas Brothers get a haircut on the Teen Choice Awards. Formidable Opponent - shouting people down at town hall meetings. Playing for Change perform "Stand by Me".
  • Emmy nomination announcements. Supreme Court neutrality. Cheating Death - diabetes, sports medicine, pain management
  • Colbert mentions The New York Times beginning to run ads on its front page. He then talks about Roland Burris' appointment to the Senate. He introduces a new segment, "Yahweh or No Way," discussing Burris, Pat Robertson and Neale Donald Walsch. He then talks about Jason Chaffetz challenging him to a leg wrestling rematch. Finally, Colbert interviews Lawrence Lessig about copyrights and his book, Remix.
  • Colbert talks about Chief Justice Roberts incorrectly reciting President Obama's oath of office. He then discusses the 2012 presidential election and speaks with Chuck Todd via satellite about the Republican front-runners' chances. Next, he shows a video he created using a fan-made audio remix of his interview with Lawrence Lessig. Finally, Colbert interviews Elizabeth Alexander about poetry.
  • Obama's response to the Henry Louis Gates incident and Teachable moments. "Womb Raiders" - Obama's birth certificate. Interview with Orly Taitz on the birther movement
  • Colbert talks about Michael Steele's troubles within the Republican Party. He then urges people to keep voting for his name to be on a new module on the International Space Station and discusses India and Iran's space plans. He then speaks, via satellite, to William Gerstenmaier about the Kepler Mission. Next, Colbert worries his coffee intake has been causing hallucinations. Finally, he interviews Jay Keasling about engineering bacteria to produce fuel.
  • Colbert begins with the Bernard Madoff scandal and interviews David Leonhardt about it. In "Better Know a District," he profiles Utah's 3rd congressional district and speaks with its congressman, Jason Chaffetz. Finally, Colbert interviews Matt Miller about his book, The Tyranny of Dead Ideas. The phrase next to Colbert in the opening credits changes to "COLMES-FREE SINCE 2009".
  • Colbert briefly mentions Treasury Secretary-designate Timothy Geithner not paying some of his taxes. In the "Cold War Update," he talks about Russia and Cuba. He then discusses some Great Britain people that are eating squirrels and puts "Limey Squirrel Eaters" "On Notice." Finally, Colbert interviews Niall Ferguson about economics.
  • Barney Frank's response in a town hall meeting about health care reform, sugar shortage in the US, Colbert Platinum: AIG's CEO planned vacation, Taking Woodstock
  • Risks of texting while driving. Discussion of the upcoming elections in Afghanistan and interview with James Carville. Alpha Dog of the Week - Betty Lichtenstein of Connecticut awards herself a fake Nurse of the Year award from a non-existent organization at a phony awards ceremony.
  • Stephen first talks to former presidential candidate Howard Dean about health care reform, and wraps up the evening by chatting with Dave Kilcullen about his new book, "The Accidental Guerilla."
  • Katty Kay explains the significant value of women in the workplace, even though they work in different ways than men.
  • Colbert discusses the economic crisis, which causes him concern about the decreased supply of chicken wings. In a new segment, Better Know a Beatle, he speaks with Paul McCartney about The Beatles and his new album, Electric Arguments. Finally, Colbert interviews Denis Dutton about art appreciation and evolution.
  • Afghan presidential election, 2009, Archie proposes to Veronica, Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger, The Evolution of God
  • Colbert discusses nominations to President-elect Obama's Cabinet, including Bill Richardson, Leon Panetta and Sanjay Gupta. He then worries that Obama will seek to overturn Ledbetter v. Goodyear Tire & Rubber Co. In "Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger," he wags his finger at Chinese bootleggers, tips his hat to the EPA, wags his finger at scientists studying drug addiction by putting cocaine on bees and tips his hat to this year's honey. Finally, Colbert interviews Benicio del Toro about his new film, Che.
  • Colbert discusses Mastermedia International urging people to pray for him today and prays for himself. He then talks about rising church attendance due to the economic crisis and speaks with James Martin about it. After testing his "moral dimension," he proclaims "The DaColbert Code" went 5-for-5 in predicting the Oscars. Finally, Colbert interviews Helen Fisher about matchmaking.
  • General Ray Odierno steps up to the plate to be Stephen's first guest in Iraq.
  • Discussion of Obama's Nobel Peace prize, "Why do other countries like Obama?" with Shashi Tharoor, Fallback Position with James Blake, discussion of Cheating Death with Dr. Sanjay Gupta
  • Colbert talks about Tom Daschle withdrawing from consideration for Secretary of Health and Human Services. He then claims Michael Steele's selection as chairman of the Republican National Committee is irrelevant because Rush Limbaugh is the real leader of the Republican Party. In "Colbert Platinum: Ass-Covering Edition," he talks about John Thain, Richard Fuld and Marcus Schrenker. Finally, Colbert interviews Henry Louis Gates, Jr. about Abraham Lincoln.
  • Colbert talks about Claire McCaskill using Twitter during President Obama's congressional address. He then discusses Obama's tax plan and the potential nationalization of banks. Colbert then talks about Michael Steele wanting the Republican Party to become more "hip hop." Next, he interviews Kris Kristofferson about his career. Finally, Kristofferson performs "Help Me Make It Through the Night."
  • Merry Barackmas - Obama's 48th birthday. The 40th anniversary of the Woodstock Festival. David Wondrich discusses the history of cocktails and introduces the Colbert Bump cocktail.
  • Promotional appearance by Jeff Goldblum.
  • Promotional appearance by Jeff Goldblum. Simon Schama and Stephen discuss the author's new book, "The American Future: A History."
  • Colbert discusses Bobby Jindal's response to President Obama's address to Congress, as well as the address itself. He then talks about Eric Holder's speech on race. In "Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger," Colbert wags his finger at gorillas and Gandhi. Finally, he interviews John Fetterman about his city's financial troubles.
  • Solar eclipse in Asia, Matthew Waxman discusses assassination squads, Pope Benedict's hospitalization
  • Sarah Palin steps down as Governor. "Stephen Colbert's Current Events" - Tasers. "Nailed 'Em" - Nazareth Library bans young Dominic Philip for living in the wrong district
  • Gay exorcism, Obama's promise to LGBT community, Prescription for America
  • Colbert briefly mentions last night's Golden Globe Awards. He then discusses President Bush's final press conference, which leads to a report of a study that found women are attracted to men who appear confident. Next, he gives an update on his eagle "son," Stephen Jr. Finally, Colbert interviews Anthony Romero about Guantanamo Bay and the Bush presidency.
  • Jim Rogers electrifies The Colbert Report when the Duke Energy CEO joins Stephen for a chat.
  • Colbert cheers for his 500th episode. In honor of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, he introduces the day's new mascot, Dreamy. He then discusses President Bush's legacy. Next, he interviews Frank Rich about Bush's presidency. Christine Ebersole then sings a farewell tribute to President Bush and his supporters. Finally, Colbert talks about the boiling frog story and places a frog skeleton on his shelf in honor of President Bush's last day.
  • Lieutenant General Charles Jacoby pays a visit to the Colbert Nation, which is coincidentally in Iraq for the time being.
  • Stephen welcomes Sergeant Robin Balcom and Specialist Tareq Salha to his international desk of wisdom and truthiness.
  • Colbert discusses the inauguration of Barack Obama and speaks with P.K. Winsome. In "Stephen's Sound Advice," he tells Obama how to appear more "Lincoln-ish." Next, he interviews Jabari Asim about his book, What Obama Means. Finally, Colbert decides he is black because, along with other African Americans, Obama's inauguration meant something to him.
  • Colbert claims Michael Steele should be appointed "word czar." The "ThreatDown:" 5. Michael Phelps! 4. Bill Gates! 3. Japanese Sewage! 2. Gay Divorce! 1. Shadow God! He then finds out he lost the Grammy Award for Best Spoken Word Album to Al Gore. Colbert then interviews TV on the Radio about their career. Finally, the band performs "Dancing Choose" from their latest album, Dear Science.
  • Colbert briefly mentions President Obama installing a swing set outside the Oval Office. He then discusses various television pundits' reactions to the economic crisis and speaks with Jim Cramer about it. In "Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger," he tips his hat to Rush Limbaugh, theoretically wags his finger at Sean Hannity and wags his finger at God. Finally, Colbert interviews Steven Berlin Johnson about his book, The Invention of Air.
  • Stephen joins Matthew Crawford on his journey from Ph.D to motorcycle repairman as they look through the author's debut tome, "Shop Class as Soulcraft."
  • Obama's op-ed "Why We Need Health Care Reform", price of postage stamps, Better Know a District: Colorado's 2nd congressional district , climate change
  • Stephen proves he's fair and balanced by giving favorable news coverage of Barack Obama killing a fly.
  • Princeton Prof and White House poetry slam participant, Paul Muldoon hits Stephen with some of his words.
  • Colbert berates Steve Martin for walking through his line of sight. In "Yahweh or No Way," he talks about Super Bowl XLIII, Fred Milani and Pope Benedict XVI. In "Who's Not Honoring Me Now," Colbert complains he hasn't won a Newbery Medal or the Bocuse d'Or, but feels good about his chances to win a Grammy Award. Finally, he interviews Steve Martin about his career and challenges him to a "read-off" and a "'Dueling Banjos'-off." The phrase next to Colbert in the opening credits changes to "SEVEN-INCH GANGLY WRENCH".
  • Colbert briefly comments on Caroline Kennedy withdrawing from consideration for Hillary Clinton's former Senate seat. He then talks about President Obama and Chief Justice Roberts redoing the oath of office. In "Un-American News: President Obama Edition," he discusses the world's reaction to Obama's inauguration. Next, in "Better Know a Lobby," he speaks with Benjamin Jealous about the NAACP. Finally, Colbert interviews Jon Meacham about Andrew Jackson and his book, American Lion.
  • Bill Clinton visits Korea to secure the release of two American journalists. Candidates for the 2010 midterms and interview with Pennsylvania congressman Joe Sestak. Shark Week returns to the Discovery Channel and shark coverage in the media.
  • Colbert celebrates Mardi Gras. He then reacts to the Dow Jones Industrial Average reaching its lowest level since 1997. In "Stephen Colbert's Bears & Balls," he discusses Sbarro, Six Flags and Muzak. In "Nailed 'Em," he profiles a man who was arrested for sharing a buffet. Finally, Colbert interviews Cliff Sloan about his new book, The Great Decision.
  • Colbert announces that UC Santa Cruz's marine lab named an elephant seal after him. He then discusses the contents of the economic stimulus bill and speaks with James Surowiecki about them. He then names the Boy Scouts of America the "Alpha Dog of the Week." Finally, Colbert interviews Jonah Lehrer about how humans make decisions. The phrase next to Colbert in the opening credits changes to "JUICE IT!"
  • Governor Mark Sanford coverage. "Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger" - a wag at Leon Panetta, tip to the Texas Board of Education, tip to straight penguins. Difference Makers - Senator Doug Jackson
  • Eric Schlosser exposes the bizarre development of science-fiction factory farming systems over the last 30 years.
  • Viacom reports a 2nd quarter profit fall, Stephen cuts costs and takes on roommate Frank. Media coverage of the Henry Louis Gates incident. "Stephen Colbert's Sports Report" - Lance Armstrong doesn't win the Tour de France, and Japan invents a robotic baseball pitcher and batter
  • The end of Michael Jackson coverage. Stephen's Sound Advice - How to bork a nominee. Paul Rieckhoff
  • Austan Goolsbee takes a break from Obama's Council of Economic Advisers to talk shop with Stephen.
  • Colbert brags that his name is now ahead of Xenu in the vote to name a module on the International Space Station and claims that makes him Scientology's new galactic overlord. He then talks about "War Room," a segment on Glenn Beck's Fox News show. This leads to "Stephen Colbert's Doom Bunker," in which he speaks with Jack Jacobs and Stephen Moore about various doomsday scenarios. Finally, Colbert interviews Carl Wilson about his book, Let's Talk About Love.
  • Stephen wraps up his stay in Iraq with Command Sergeant Major Frank Grippe.
  • The moon landing anniversary. Proposed torture prosecutions. Better Know A Lobby - ACORN
  • Colbert talks about President Obama's interview on Al Arabiya. In "Cheating Death with Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.," he discusses lung health, weight loss and corporate health. He then "interviews" Bill O'Reilly about Caroline Kennedy withdrawing from consideration for Hillary Clinton's former Senate seat using clip editing. Next, Colbert interviews Philippe Petit about his experiences as a tightrope walker. Finally, Colbert's prisoner returns and he reluctantly sets him free again.
  • Colbert complains that he didn't win the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. He then discusses a bill that would give the District of Columbia voting rights and speaks with Eleanor Holmes Norton about it. He then talks about a segment on Glenn Beck's show in which Beck's eyes were featured in close-up, which causes Colbert to show his colonoscopy. Finally, he interviews Steven Pinker about the human genome.
  • Beer selections at the Henry Louis Gates summit. "Stephen Colbert's meTunes" - I Gotta Feeling by The Black Eyed Peas, Birthday Sex by Jeremih and Fire Burning by Sean Kingston. "Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger" - wag at textbooks for political correctness, tip at Stephen Colbert for helping Movits! boost their Amazon sales ranking, wag at Stephen Colbert for giving Movits! too much publicity. A tribute to Gidget, the Taco Bell chihuahua.
  • Death of Michael Jackson, Mark Sanford, Census, Jeff Goldblum, Nova scienceNOW
  • Colbert discusses President Obama's decision to close Guantanamo Bay and secret CIA prisons, which causes him to release his prisoner. He then interviews Chris Mooney on the politics of science policy. In "Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger," he tips his hat to Roe v. Wade, wags his finger at Indian marriage rituals and tips his hat to John Yarmuth. Finally, Colbert interviews Ed Young about sex and marriage.
  • Iranians burning pictures of Obama, over-marketing of Obama, interview with P. K. Winsome, Milky Way Galaxy has been found to be about the same size as the Andromeda Galaxy, national service.
  • Stephen criticizes Going Rogue, calling it "a steaming pile of shit" in The Word. In Threat Down, he names himself as a Threat, saying that he angered Quetzacoatl by calling him a pussy in 2005, and he refuses to apologize. He interviews Norah Jones, and she sings.
  • Colbert wishes Abraham Lincoln a happy 200th birthday. He then discusses Shepard Fairey suing the AP over the Barack Obama "Hope" poster and interviews David Ross and his brother, Ed Colbert, about it. In "The DaColbert Code," he predicts who will win Oscars. Colbert then interviews Adam Gopnik about the similarities between Abraham Lincoln and Charles Darwin. Finally, he bids farewell to Conan O'Brien.
  • The Sotomayor Confirmation Hearings, Obama's health care plan, J. D. Salinger lawsuit
  • Colbert briefly mentions Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich being impeached. He then praises all Republicans in the U.S. House for voting against the economic stimulus package. In "Stephen Colbert's Sport Report", he discusses Super Bowl XLIII, its commercials and the buffalo wings shortage. He then speaks with Richard Lobb about the shortage. Finally, Colbert interviews John Podesta about President Obama's transition and progressivism.
  • Colbert gets enraged over the cover of The Atlantic and the new Visa Black. He then discusses Republican Congressman Pete Sessions' claim that "insurgency may be required" to fight the Democrats. In "Shout Out!," Colbert praises Gene E. Robinson, John Sununu and one of his former security guards. Finally, he interviews Robert Ballard about his work in underwater archaeology.
  • Tonight Stephen welcomes the co-founder and creative visionary of the Bible Illuminated, Dag Soderberg.
  • Death of Walter Cronkite. Reverse racism and personal responsibility with Geoffrey Canada. Sport Report - Tony Romo dropping Jessica Simpson, taekwondo champion Logan Campbell, UFC sponsorship
  • Jeremih becomes the Chicago Public Schools new spokesman. Yahweh or No Way - a Florida judge clears the way for government seizure of creationist theme park Dinosaur Adventure Land, President Obama's ancestors may have been posthumously baptized by Mormons, and a New Jersey federal corruption probe results in the arrest of politicians and 5 rabbis accused of money laundering and an Orthodox Jewish man accused of kidney trading. Movies That Are Destroying America - G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, Orphan, 2012, and Julie & Julia.
  • Colbert talks about a report of a correlation between beer pong the spread of herpes and complains the CDC called the report a hoax. He then discusses President Obama's plan to raise taxes on the rich to pay for universal health care. Next, he talks about police in Columbia, SC offering a "Guns for Roses" exchange program. He then announces that NASA is letting people decide the name of a module on the International Space Station and urges people name it after him. Finally, he interviews Mark Bittman about "conscious eating."
  • Colbert congratulates one of his writers on the birth of his son. He then discusses an online database that allows searches for concealed weapon permits in Tennessee. In "Better Know a District," he profiles Wyoming's At-large congressional district and speaks with its Congresswoman, Cynthia Lummis. Finally, Colbert briefly interviews Lisa Hannigan, who then performs her song, "I Don't Know."
  • French town bans circus elephants from beach, anti-Obama items sold on eBay, world population projected to reach 7 billion in 2011, Chris Matthews running for Senate, The Kennedy Brothers documentary
  • Anderson Cooper's Michael Jackson exclusive, Climate change, Lost Treasures of Babylon
  • Texas congresswoman Sheila Jackson-Lee takes a phone call during a cancer survivor's question at a town hall meeting. Glenn Beck loses sponsors over his comments on the President. Cheating Death with Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A. - Spinal Health - spinal injuries in rats mended by blue M&M's, Vitamins - U.S. children lacking vitamin D due to TV and computers, Women's Health - Wyeth Pharmaceuticals found to have hired ghost writers to author papers downplaying the risks of taking hormones for menopausal women. Mark Devlin discusses launching the BLAST telescope using weather balloons.
dbp:title
  • None
  • Sweet Smell of Success
  • Bohemian Grove
  • Sacrifice
  • The Colbert Report
  • A Perfect World
  • Why Are You Here?
  • Army of One
  • Don't Ask Don't Tell
  • The Green Mile
  • Ablacknophobia
  • Allison!
  • Arch Enemies
  • Ban de Soleil
  • Blackwashing
  • Brunt Double
  • Captain Kangaroo Court
  • Grand Old Pity Party
  • Grand Old Purity
  • Guns, Credit, and Corn
  • Have Your Cake And Eat It, Too
  • He Who Smelt It, Dealt It
  • Hippie Replacement
  • I Do, You Don't
  • I Know You Are But What Am I?
  • Just Don't Do It
  • Keeping Our Heads
  • Learning Is Fundamental
  • Let Freedom Ka-Ching
  • Locked & Loathed
  • Loyal Opposition
  • Morally Bankrupt
  • Must-Be TV
  • Neutral Man's Burden
  • Noncensus
  • Out Of The Closet
  • Rand Illusion
  • Share The Wealth
  • Skeletons In The Closet
  • Spyvate Sector
  • Statute of Liberty
  • Stonewalling
  • Stressed Position
  • Symbol-Minded
  • The Audacity of Nope
  • The Money Shot
  • The Swede Hereafter
  • Tough Cell
  • You-Genics
dct:subject
http://purl.org/linguistics/gold/hypernym
rdf:type
rdfs:comment
  • This is a list of episodes for The Colbert Report in 2009. (en)
rdfs:label
  • List of The Colbert Report episodes (2009) (en)
owl:sameAs
prov:wasDerivedFrom
foaf:homepage
foaf:isPrimaryTopicOf
foaf:name
  • The Colbert Report'' 2009 episodes (en)
is dbo:wikiPageRedirects of
is foaf:primaryTopic of